Gratitude

Lately I've been struggling a bit with what to post on this blog. I want to be real and share from my heart~ and of recently I have been terrified to do so. But what is this irrational fear I am creating for myself as a roadblock? Am I afraid of being judged? A few weeks ago I would have said 'absolutely not' and yet now something has shifted. I find myself in a suspended state of anxiety and worry that I am not fulfilling the mission I set out to do in coming back to the mainland- which was simply to share the message of love with any open heart. I believe I continue to do this in my day to day dealings with friends and people I meet at various locales, and yet somehow I have started to judge myself for not doing it in a bigger way. In some respects I have been distracted with the logistics of survival. I am thankful to have several friends to stay with but I am feeling the urge to get either a van or RV so I have a sacred space of my own. 

Since returning to the mainland I have created very few outlets for spiritual development and expression. I have somewhat abandoned my core practices for connecting with Source because I have been spending my energy in other places. This has left me feeling somewhat down and lost. Yesterday however, I made a sacred day for myself in order to honor and celebrate the solar eclipse. I took my blanket, crystals and singing bowl down to the beach and set up a beautiful altar and grid with the stones and had a beautiful experience meditating and praying. Although I have not been feeling too emotional lately, there was a definite welling up of tears. Finally I felt the movement of some stagnant energy that I needed to release and I was grateful.  I know I am powerful enough to create and manifest whatever is for my highest good. I trust in divine intelligence and universal abundance for whatever I might need. I know that my being happy and in a place of joy is activated when I humble myself in service to others. And in writing this blog post I realize that in order for me to face my fears, I must share my heart openly with all of you and let go of any doubt, self judgment or worry of the future. I am the divine feminine form of Source consciousness and I love myself unconditionally. And I love all of you unconditionally as we are all made of the same light. I am grateful for this life and am happy to be sharing it with such a wonderful soul family. Love and blessings to every sentient being in this universe.